Successes & Failures

DO YOU WANT TO EAT MORE AND LOSE WEIGHT AT THE SAME TIME?!

How many times have we seen that ad on Facebook, in our emails, on TV, heard it on the radio? A billion.

But I am proud to report that after 8 days of eating clean, I lost six pounds. That's right, I lost weight while eating more meals than I was before! Say whaaaat!? Now, I understand that weight fluctuates day to day, and this is true. But overall, the weight is down already. Not by a ton, but it's on it's way.

I never used to eat breakfast because of the same reasons no one eats breakfast: "I don't have time." True, my new position at work helps because I don't have to leave my house at 6:30am anymore. But even if I did, by making Egg Bake and preparing my Smoothie Bags during Sunday Meal Prep,  I've got breakfast ready to go. Even if I don't have time to blend the fruit and make an actual smoothie, I can grab a piece of Egg Bake out of the fridge and a Lara bar from the cabinet and I'm good to go.

So that is SUCCESS NUMBER ONE.

SUCCESS NUMBER TWO:
Dinner yesterday!

(MONDAY, SEPT 9)
Pork Marinade & Grilled Pineapple
Marinade (into a large freezer ziplock:)
~Juice of 1 lemon
~2 Tablespoons olive oil
~1/4 cup chopped fresh mint leaves (measure first, then chop)
~1/4 cup chopped fresh parsley leaves (measure first, then chop)
~Salt
~Pepper
~1 clove fresh garlic, pressed (optional)
Marinate in fridge at least overnight; if freezing then make sure to thaw in fridge 24 hours before cooking.

Cooking:
~Heat 1-2 tablespoons coconut oil in skillet on high heat
~Once hot, add pork
~Cook one minute per side
~Cover, turn to low heat
~Monitor for burning & continue to turn as needed for 10-20 minutes. Use meat thermometer to know for sure!

Can you hear it sizzling?

Pineapple:
I don't have a standard grill since I live in an apartment, but I do have a decent size George Foreman Grill (Thanks Mom & Dad!)
~Place pineapple slices on grill
~Brush on gluten-free soy sauce
~Let cook for 3-5 minutes

ENJOY!!!

Pineapple for President

HALF SUCCESS NUMBER ONE:
Dinner today!
(Actually this is the only one I'm counting as a half success, cus I only half screwed it up, but it turned out fine, sooooooo whatever)

(TUES, SEPT 10)
Clean Eating Lemon Zucchini Chicken
~1 lb raw, boneless, skinless chicken breasts, cubed
~3/4 lb zucchini, cubed
~1/2 medium red onion, chopped
~1/2 to 1 tablespoon olive oil
~Juice of 1 lemon
~Zest of 1/2 to 1 lemon
~1/2 tablespoon garlic powder

First, let it be known, that zesting a lemon can be sketchy, dangerous business. After almost getting zest of Laura-finger in my recipe, I decided to go with the old adage: Safety First! Don't judge, I'm a genius.

That's some quality zesting right there.

Anyway. Directions:
~Saute the onion in the olive oil.
~Add in the chicken, zucchini, lemon juice and zest, and the garlic powder.
~Cook that biznizz up!!! I honestly don't know how long I cooked it for. I cooked it until all the chicken pieces were cooked. Maybe 10, 15 minutes tops? Just don't serve undercooked chicken. Duh.

Steamy goodness.

NOW EAT THAT AND LOVE IT

I forgot to Instagram this one to make it pretty. Oops.

Now, the reason I'm saying this is a half success, is because the recipe my mom sent me was for 8 servings. I don't have anyone to feed but my damn self so that's a lot of servings. So I halved the recipe, which is what I listed above. So on Sunday I cubed the chicken breasts, froze them, cubed the zucchini, put them in the fridge, and knew I'd do the rest today. I should have known better than to cook today; all day at work my brain was just OFF. Like I couldn't stay focused, it took me forever to get things done, I kept messing up, it was rough. But cooking I was determined to do. (In the literary world, this is what we call "foreshadowing," kids.) So cooking I did.

Anyway, so when I was preparing the rest of the recipe today, I just simply ignored my bright purple pen writing on the recipe and made the rest as is. So my recipe had chicken, zucchini, and onion for 4 servings.... and lemon juice, lemon zest, and garlic powder for 8. Holy moly. Luckily, as I mentioned above, it didn't taste bad. It was only slightly more garlic-y than perfect, and extra lemon-y. But who doesn't like lemon? So. Like I said, it turned out fine!

Moving on.

FAILURE NUMBER ONE:
Really, this is the only failure in cooking land, since I already mentioned my stupid work brain today, which was a failure in its own right today. So let's just call this...

"The Story of the Guacamole That Wasn't Meant to Be"

Once upon a time, Delilah made amazing wonderful Mango-Bacon Guacamole for my family. It was fantastic. So, since I'm having dinner guests over tomorrow night, I thought it'd be a great appetizer/side dish. PROBLEM NUMBER ONE: Husband Friend (whom shall remain nameless... ah screw it AUSTIN) told me he doesn't like guac. Who doesn't like guac? I, being the smartypants that I am, told him to suck it up, and that he would try it and love it and praise my cooking genius.

I decided to make the guacamole tonight to lighten my cooking load for tomorrow.
PROBLEM NUBMER TWO: I refrigerated my avocados. Apparently this is a no-no. (Shut up I'm still learning).
PROBLEM NUMBER THREE: Apparently they weren't exactly....ripe.
You see, when you cut a nice, ripe avocado, you slice it all the way around, twist it into two halves, pop out the core, and can easily spoon out all the "meat" leaving the "shell" in-tact.

So neat, so tidy.

When you cut up a not-so ripe avocado, you can't so easily spoon out the two halves, and in frustration you leave your kitchen looking like some avocado serial killer was let loose. Poor avocados.

Oh screw this s**t

I texted Delilah to see if maybe they were just cold and not actually horrible avocados. She suggested I use the Ninja Food Processor to test them out, but to squeeze some lime juice in there and mix with salt, then taste. First of all, if you don't have one of these, what are you doing with your life? It's like $20 and awesome and it's called NINJA.

This is the only ninja in my house....as far as I know.....

So, I Ninja'd the crap out of those avocados. Aaaaand...
PROBLEM NUMBER FOUR: this is what they looked like.

NO.

THAT ISN'T GUACAMOLE

NO.

GET IT AWAY FROM ME IT'S GROSS

So, I cut my losses. I let Austin know of the good news.

But I thought, hey! At least I've got some cut-up mango pieces and cooked bacon to enjoy, right?

Pretty!

Bacon shrinkage.

WRONG.

PROBLEM NUMBER FIVE:
The mango tasted like cardboard.

PROBLEM NUMBER SIX:
I've never made bacon before. I burnt it so bad that when I took a bite it disintegrated into crumbling burning awfulness.

FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL.

I give up.

But just for tonight.
I'll try it again soon.

CLEAN EATING YAY

PS: I really love listening to the Hawaiian Radio station on Pandora while I cook. It reminds me of the time I spent in Maui, but even if you've never been there, try it sometime. It makes it not so bad when you burn bacon and buy awful avocados and don't know how to read your own recipes and your guacamole scares you. It's just not so bad then!